Helping
children deal with traumatic events
by
Dr. Marsha Mirkin, Resident Scholar, Women's Studies Research Center,
Brandeis University
Open Circle provides a classroom
routine that is safe, consistent and predictable. During difficult
times, safety, consistency and predictability are key to helping children
maintain a sense of stability and psychological comfort. Continuting
to do Open Circle as usual is important, and here are some lessons
that may be particularly useful to students as they deal with traumatic
events.
Calming Down
This lesson is helpful for both children and adults. It is normal and understandable
for adults to feel anxious when upsetting things happen, and yet children take
their emotional cues from adults. This lesson can help adults model calm for
the children and teach skills to children. The physiological benefits of calming
down are also useful as we try to take care of ourselves during stressful times.
Calming down is a very empowering activity. Children are empowered to take charge
of their own bodies and emotional reactions. They can use this strategy in and
out of the classroom, whenever they feel worried or upset. You might also want
to try the supplemental lesson "stress relievers."
Understanding Feeling Words
We are encouraging children to share their feelings and expand the range of feeling
words that the children can identify. Feelings may be comfortable or uncomfortable,
they give us information about our internal state, and they can pass with time.
Children can learn to identify many feelings to best communicate their emotional
state, and they can also learn that even uncomfortable feelings don't last forever.
We do not need to bring up a tragic event directly to encourage use of feeling
words. For example, we can ask, "When you wake in the middle of the night and
hear loud thunder, how might you feel? Are there other examples of times when
you felt that way?"
Expressing feelings
The fourth-grade curriculum has a very relevant lesson on ways of feeling better
in a situation where you are upset and cannot act on the feelings. This includes
calming down, using words, talking to someone, and doing something that is not
hurtful. Feeling words allow us to let people know in words rather than in actions
how we feel and therefore keeps them from misinterpreting, let's them know what's
wrong, and helps them to pay attention to our experience. Some children will
have difficulty expressing feelings and say that they are feeling
"nothing." This is at times a self-protective strategy
when feelings are experienced as too overwhelming. (At
other times, children are simply unaware of their feelings
at given moments). We cannot push children to talk about
feelings if they do not want to, but rather we can teach
the necessary skills and create a safe and caring environment
so that when they are ready, they can participate.
Speaking Up
Even if children can identify feelings and find feeling words, they are not always
comfortable with speaking up and therefore they may not share the feelings they
are experiencing. Speaking up lessons teach these communication skills.
Telling a responsible adult
This lesson helps children identify an adult with whom they can speak if they
feel anxious or scared. The lesson on
"good listening" elaborates on this because children learn
to identify which people are capable of listening to them
when they need to be heard.
Problem solving box
Keep this box available and remind students that it is anonymous. If you are
not comfortable dealing yourself with what a child writes, consult with school
counselors and administrators.
Using Problem-Solving Process
Some classes might want to find ways to help victims of a tragedy. The process
of giving to others is often empowering as well as helpful. The problem-solving
process can guide students as they choose an appropriate way of helping. |
